The Post I Dreaded The Most

The doctors met with my parents to discuss the results of my dad's CAT SCAN yesterday. The doctors have given my dad 2 to 4 weeks left to live; because the tumor has not only grown but keeps spreading, as it is also shutting down his liver. We know that only God knows the days numbered in my dad's life.

My dad has chosen to go home on hospice and enjoy the quality of life with his family. One of the first things my dad said was, "I wanna see my daughter." And I want to see my daddin. So my family and I will be flying home tomorrow to be with my dad and my family. We are packing, getting tickets, and heading home.

City of Hope is doing all they can to release my dad today.

Please keep our family in your prayers. Thank you.

CAT SCAN Done, Awaiting Results

Today was a little rougher day for my dad. His liver enzymes were high today, which made him begin turning yellow (jaundice) again. This can also cause fatigue, which he experienced a lot today. His pain in his abdominal area continues to increase. He has had to push his pain button often more recently, in order to allow more pain meds into his body. Mom spent the day right by his side giving him foot massages and trying to help him relax. He had physical therapy and also had the CAT SCAN done today. They will get the results in the morning and discuss them with all the doctors.

Please continue to pray for peace, joy, comfort, strength and endurance. And never cease praying for that miracle.

Thank you

A Peaceful 3 Day "Vacation"

Dad and Mom have been enjoying their last three days together. With it being Christmas, the hospital seemed a lot quieter with less staff. They felt like they were able to enjoy Christmas just the two of them without any distractions of tests and doctors, etc. They got just what you all prayed for, a quiet peaceful time to enjoy each other this Christmas. We skyped first thing their Christmas morning, which was our Christmas night. They opened their gift from us, this photo album in the picture above. It was so great to get to see them flip through all of the pages and watch them smile and watch them cry. They got to see the kids play with their new toys and games, including ones from them. Though it was a bitter-sweet day, combined with the joy of celebrating Christ's birth; there was also the sadness of being away from our loved ones especially in such trying times as now. So with the knowledge of that coming up, I had been praying that I would be able to have an amazing Christmas skype with my parents. Its never been a clear connection since they've been in the hospital, and we've been mostly having to talk by phone. But our Christmas skype was the clearest its been; we could see each other clearly and there was no 4 minute delay like usually. With no delay, and dad sitting up and talking- it was perfect~ the best Christmas present ever!

Other than skyping with us, here's the rest of their Christmas day. They started their morning off at 3 am with red popsicles that the nurse gave them, while they were up doing the normal regimen. Dad has still only been on ice, so that was a nice treat. They went back to sleep, but woke up at 6 to skype us (before we went to bed). They scared the next nurse on staff though, because when she came in and saw dad's bag (the one sucking out his stomach), and that it was all red- she panicked! Dad and mom had to quickly explain to her that the last nurse gave them popsicles (haha). After they finished skyping with us, they read the Christmas story together, opened a couple of gifts from family, watched movies together and took naps. Mom was told that all the spouses in the hospital could go to the cafeteria for a free meal. I'm so glad she went. She said that the cafeteria was full of spouses that looked so sad. I asked her if she sat with anyone; it just broke my heart knowing that my mom was sitting their alone on Christmas eating her Christmas dinner. She told me that she sat at a table looking out the window and talked to God (mostly crying). After she ate, she went back to be with dad (she tries to never eat in front of him- so its not torture for him). They spent the evening skyping my brother and his family, watching them open gifts including ones from them. They also talked with my mom's parents, my dad's mom, and their brothers and sisters. It was altogether a nice day relaxing together.

As I skyped with mom and dad tonight (their evening of the 26th), mom was telling me about the joys of being together these last three days. Then tears began to fill her eyes, as she said that they will face reality tomorrow when the doctors will come back to work and they will proceed with the PET SCAN. I know what she means; its almost as though you're living in a bubble sometimes and then BAM reality can slap you back in the face. We continue to pray that "reality" will come with some positives in the form of a miracle.

After three weeks of being in the hospital, in the "dungeon" as dad calls it, they let him out! He had a walker and walked out of his room and up and down the hallways. Mom said he was moving way faster than she thought he would. "He was hallin'!" she said. He has continued receiving transfusions and still receiving some physical therapy. Even though the physical therapist is gone for the holidays, mom keeps doing with dad what she sees the therapists do.

Please pray for mom and dad as they prepare for this final PET SCAN. Please pray for the future decisions that will have to be made. Thanks for your love and support!

City of Hope- It's in the Name

City of Hope is a very good cancer treating facility; and though they are unable to assist my dad with any more treatment options for his cancer, they are doing just what their name says. Giving Hope. They encourage my dad in choosing alternative medicine if he so chooses, and in the mean time have continued taking great care of him.

Today they began with physical therapy. He has one physical therapist working on his upper body and one on his lower body. They were very impressed today, how well he did and what strength he still has. Though he feels very weak when walking and such, the pressure he applied against her hand was impressive. They will continue to work with dad while in the hospital. They're ready to get dad stronger thus continuing to give him HOPE. Dad is strong, with a hope and faith and courage that I've never seen him lose sight of. He continues to say "I'm not done fighting." As I've said it before, this man won't let anything get him down. We'll never stop praying for a miracle, and we'll do whatever dad wants to do next. He's the boss :) He always has been. I remember playing monopoly at a young age with my dad and my brother. And I remember my brother and I on occasion saying, "Dad it's almost midnight and we're so tired; can we finish playing tomorrow?" I remember dad saying, "We can't stop playing till someone wins!" He's competitive if any of you know him closely. He won't back down. I got my competitiveness from my dad. But it was fun to always have the goal of beating dad at games, because he made it such a challenge.

My dad's a fighter. He's a man of COURAGE, he's a man of FAITH and he's a man of HOPE.

HOPE

It’s magic and it’s free
It’s not in a prescription
It’s not in an IV.

It punctuates out laughter,
It sparkles in our tears,
It simmers under sorrows,
And dissipates our fears.

Do you know what Hope is?
It’s reaching past today,
It’s dreaming of tomorrow,
It’s trying a new way.

It’s pushing past impossible,
It’s pounding on the door,
It’s questioning the Answers,
It’s always seeking more.

It’s rumors of a breakthrough,
It’s whispers of a cure,
A roller coaster ride
Of remedies, unsure.

Do you know what Hope is?
It’s candy for the soul,
It’s perfume for the spirit,
To share it makes you Whole.

author unknown

Hope is the emotional state, the opposite of which is despair, which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life.^[1] It is the "feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best" or the act of "look[ing] forward to with desire and reasonable confidence" or "feel[ing] that something desired may happen". ^[2] Other definitions are "to cherish a desire with anticipation"; "to desire with expectation of obtainment"; or "to expect with confidence".^[3] In the English language the word can be used as either a noun or a verb, although hope as a concept has a similar meaning in either use.

I've honestly had a really tough past few days; as a family we've had some tough talks etc. But when I hear over and over that my dad's hope is still in the Lord, and still in the fact that He could choose to do a miracle or could provide other options; when I look at my dad covered in God's strength and peace and perseverance, I can't (and who else can't) help but feel that contagious spirit. My HOPE is in you Lord. We're still awaiting that miracle and will keep the faith, no matter how hard it is. WE WILL NOT GIVE UP HOPE.

City of HOPE..... Man of HOPE.... God of HOPE...... Lets encourage his HOPE!

Thankful

Dad and Mom are so thankful for prayers. They definitely felt them today, after battling awful fevers these last few days; dad's fever finally broke at 8 am this morning (Wed.). It was a long night of NO sleep as my mom and nurses constantly watched dad. They had him on a waterbed sort of thing, with ice packs all over his body to try and break that fever. They felt God's grace today, as they had a pretty relaxed day after so many hard things going on lately. The doctors will do a PET SCAN at the beginning of next week (after Christmas) for a final confirmation. Then we will decide what will follow next.

Thank you for your consistent prayers and words of encouragement to my entire family. My dad is in pretty good spirits. Please pray that they get caught up on rest these next couple of days and that they will be able to enjoy each other with no immediate problems for this Christmas holiday.

What To Say

As I look down at the notes I took while talking to my mom today, and with such swollen eyes trying to even read my notes; I don't even know where to begin or what to say. It was a very tough and scary day, needless to say. I will try to stick to the notes. Here goes:

My dad's fever continues to incline and they worked hard all day doing everything to keep it down. He continues to get more yellow, especially in his eyes as his liver is being affected by the tumor and/or chemo. There is nothing they can do for this. He was on Adavan all day to keep him from vomiting; so he slept a lot of the day because of this medicine. Mom watched him as his breathing would change and as he continues to become very weak. We are so thankful to High Desert Church for bringing to dad his only request- their worship CD and their new Christmas CD. Mom said that he has it playing non stop and he really enjoys listening to them both. The doctors would really like to get dad out of his room to bring him some joy, hope, fresh air. He still has mersa, but they will bundle and cover him up very good. They would like for him to try a walker tomorrow. If he is too weak, at least mom can push him in a wheel chair and get him some fresh air and out of the "dungeon."

The tubing in his nose fell out again today and they attempted to put it back in (remember how painful this procedure is). The first nostril attempt failed due to a blood clot in the way. They had to do the other nostril, which now made for 4 times having this tubing put through his nose down into his stomach. My mom can't stomach it or watch him go through the pain, so steps out as they do it. When she walked back in, dad was looking down at his hands that had blood on them from his nose. She told him how proud that she was of him for all that he endures. He told her, 'you know how I did it? I just focused the whole time on hearing my grandkids saying "be a tough boy grandpa."' Mom and I couldn't help but crying as she told me that. He truly has a love for his grand babies that I have never seen before. So here's a little love back TO YOU GRANDPA from two of your grand babies that pray for you every day without having to even be reminded. And they always pray for you too Grandma for strength. They love you both!

From the looks of the ultrasound they did on my dad's liver, the tumor does not look like it is shrinking. Please continue to pray for my family as every day gets harder and harder.

Ups and Downs

Some positives have come during the last two days. One of those is the 14 pounds of swelling (that's what the doctors weighed it out to be) is now completely gone, and they are believing that the blood clot in the neck is gone. They will run tests to confirm that. Another positive is that the hemoglobin and platelet levels are up and normal. The negatives are these: the white blood cells are still low but should begin rising shortly. Also, my mom had noticed dad looking a little yellow. After doctors agreeing with my mom (I love her intuition and observations- that how they first found out dad had cancer); they found out that dad's enzymes in his liver were abnormal. They ran an ultrasound on the liver. More news to follow tomorrow on the liver.

It was so nice today getting to talk to my dad on the phone. His voice is sounding so much better and he was actually able to talk. It was sooooo nice to have a decent conversation; we got to talk about so much it felt like. He was probably sore in his throat afterward; but I'm so thankful for his selflessness..... it melts my heart talking to my daddy. I held it together the whole conversation and it just felt like our normal talks back in the day. But when he said "you're such a wonderful daughter," I lost it. Ohhhh.. I love him!

Please pray this week that dad's white blood cell levels will come up, so that he can get out of the "dungeon" as dad calls it. He has not been allowed to leave his room in the two weeks that he's been there. Please also pray for the new issue with the liver. And please continue for this cancer to be shrinking or better yet, gone.

Thank you