The Post I Dreaded The Most

The doctors met with my parents to discuss the results of my dad's CAT SCAN yesterday. The doctors have given my dad 2 to 4 weeks left to live; because the tumor has not only grown but keeps spreading, as it is also shutting down his liver. We know that only God knows the days numbered in my dad's life.

My dad has chosen to go home on hospice and enjoy the quality of life with his family. One of the first things my dad said was, "I wanna see my daughter." And I want to see my daddin. So my family and I will be flying home tomorrow to be with my dad and my family. We are packing, getting tickets, and heading home.

City of Hope is doing all they can to release my dad today.

Please keep our family in your prayers. Thank you.

CAT SCAN Done, Awaiting Results

Today was a little rougher day for my dad. His liver enzymes were high today, which made him begin turning yellow (jaundice) again. This can also cause fatigue, which he experienced a lot today. His pain in his abdominal area continues to increase. He has had to push his pain button often more recently, in order to allow more pain meds into his body. Mom spent the day right by his side giving him foot massages and trying to help him relax. He had physical therapy and also had the CAT SCAN done today. They will get the results in the morning and discuss them with all the doctors.

Please continue to pray for peace, joy, comfort, strength and endurance. And never cease praying for that miracle.

Thank you

A Peaceful 3 Day "Vacation"

Dad and Mom have been enjoying their last three days together. With it being Christmas, the hospital seemed a lot quieter with less staff. They felt like they were able to enjoy Christmas just the two of them without any distractions of tests and doctors, etc. They got just what you all prayed for, a quiet peaceful time to enjoy each other this Christmas. We skyped first thing their Christmas morning, which was our Christmas night. They opened their gift from us, this photo album in the picture above. It was so great to get to see them flip through all of the pages and watch them smile and watch them cry. They got to see the kids play with their new toys and games, including ones from them. Though it was a bitter-sweet day, combined with the joy of celebrating Christ's birth; there was also the sadness of being away from our loved ones especially in such trying times as now. So with the knowledge of that coming up, I had been praying that I would be able to have an amazing Christmas skype with my parents. Its never been a clear connection since they've been in the hospital, and we've been mostly having to talk by phone. But our Christmas skype was the clearest its been; we could see each other clearly and there was no 4 minute delay like usually. With no delay, and dad sitting up and talking- it was perfect~ the best Christmas present ever!

Other than skyping with us, here's the rest of their Christmas day. They started their morning off at 3 am with red popsicles that the nurse gave them, while they were up doing the normal regimen. Dad has still only been on ice, so that was a nice treat. They went back to sleep, but woke up at 6 to skype us (before we went to bed). They scared the next nurse on staff though, because when she came in and saw dad's bag (the one sucking out his stomach), and that it was all red- she panicked! Dad and mom had to quickly explain to her that the last nurse gave them popsicles (haha). After they finished skyping with us, they read the Christmas story together, opened a couple of gifts from family, watched movies together and took naps. Mom was told that all the spouses in the hospital could go to the cafeteria for a free meal. I'm so glad she went. She said that the cafeteria was full of spouses that looked so sad. I asked her if she sat with anyone; it just broke my heart knowing that my mom was sitting their alone on Christmas eating her Christmas dinner. She told me that she sat at a table looking out the window and talked to God (mostly crying). After she ate, she went back to be with dad (she tries to never eat in front of him- so its not torture for him). They spent the evening skyping my brother and his family, watching them open gifts including ones from them. They also talked with my mom's parents, my dad's mom, and their brothers and sisters. It was altogether a nice day relaxing together.

As I skyped with mom and dad tonight (their evening of the 26th), mom was telling me about the joys of being together these last three days. Then tears began to fill her eyes, as she said that they will face reality tomorrow when the doctors will come back to work and they will proceed with the PET SCAN. I know what she means; its almost as though you're living in a bubble sometimes and then BAM reality can slap you back in the face. We continue to pray that "reality" will come with some positives in the form of a miracle.

After three weeks of being in the hospital, in the "dungeon" as dad calls it, they let him out! He had a walker and walked out of his room and up and down the hallways. Mom said he was moving way faster than she thought he would. "He was hallin'!" she said. He has continued receiving transfusions and still receiving some physical therapy. Even though the physical therapist is gone for the holidays, mom keeps doing with dad what she sees the therapists do.

Please pray for mom and dad as they prepare for this final PET SCAN. Please pray for the future decisions that will have to be made. Thanks for your love and support!

City of Hope- It's in the Name

City of Hope is a very good cancer treating facility; and though they are unable to assist my dad with any more treatment options for his cancer, they are doing just what their name says. Giving Hope. They encourage my dad in choosing alternative medicine if he so chooses, and in the mean time have continued taking great care of him.

Today they began with physical therapy. He has one physical therapist working on his upper body and one on his lower body. They were very impressed today, how well he did and what strength he still has. Though he feels very weak when walking and such, the pressure he applied against her hand was impressive. They will continue to work with dad while in the hospital. They're ready to get dad stronger thus continuing to give him HOPE. Dad is strong, with a hope and faith and courage that I've never seen him lose sight of. He continues to say "I'm not done fighting." As I've said it before, this man won't let anything get him down. We'll never stop praying for a miracle, and we'll do whatever dad wants to do next. He's the boss :) He always has been. I remember playing monopoly at a young age with my dad and my brother. And I remember my brother and I on occasion saying, "Dad it's almost midnight and we're so tired; can we finish playing tomorrow?" I remember dad saying, "We can't stop playing till someone wins!" He's competitive if any of you know him closely. He won't back down. I got my competitiveness from my dad. But it was fun to always have the goal of beating dad at games, because he made it such a challenge.

My dad's a fighter. He's a man of COURAGE, he's a man of FAITH and he's a man of HOPE.

HOPE

It’s magic and it’s free
It’s not in a prescription
It’s not in an IV.

It punctuates out laughter,
It sparkles in our tears,
It simmers under sorrows,
And dissipates our fears.

Do you know what Hope is?
It’s reaching past today,
It’s dreaming of tomorrow,
It’s trying a new way.

It’s pushing past impossible,
It’s pounding on the door,
It’s questioning the Answers,
It’s always seeking more.

It’s rumors of a breakthrough,
It’s whispers of a cure,
A roller coaster ride
Of remedies, unsure.

Do you know what Hope is?
It’s candy for the soul,
It’s perfume for the spirit,
To share it makes you Whole.

author unknown

Hope is the emotional state, the opposite of which is despair, which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life.^[1] It is the "feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best" or the act of "look[ing] forward to with desire and reasonable confidence" or "feel[ing] that something desired may happen". ^[2] Other definitions are "to cherish a desire with anticipation"; "to desire with expectation of obtainment"; or "to expect with confidence".^[3] In the English language the word can be used as either a noun or a verb, although hope as a concept has a similar meaning in either use.

I've honestly had a really tough past few days; as a family we've had some tough talks etc. But when I hear over and over that my dad's hope is still in the Lord, and still in the fact that He could choose to do a miracle or could provide other options; when I look at my dad covered in God's strength and peace and perseverance, I can't (and who else can't) help but feel that contagious spirit. My HOPE is in you Lord. We're still awaiting that miracle and will keep the faith, no matter how hard it is. WE WILL NOT GIVE UP HOPE.

City of HOPE..... Man of HOPE.... God of HOPE...... Lets encourage his HOPE!

Thankful

Dad and Mom are so thankful for prayers. They definitely felt them today, after battling awful fevers these last few days; dad's fever finally broke at 8 am this morning (Wed.). It was a long night of NO sleep as my mom and nurses constantly watched dad. They had him on a waterbed sort of thing, with ice packs all over his body to try and break that fever. They felt God's grace today, as they had a pretty relaxed day after so many hard things going on lately. The doctors will do a PET SCAN at the beginning of next week (after Christmas) for a final confirmation. Then we will decide what will follow next.

Thank you for your consistent prayers and words of encouragement to my entire family. My dad is in pretty good spirits. Please pray that they get caught up on rest these next couple of days and that they will be able to enjoy each other with no immediate problems for this Christmas holiday.

What To Say

As I look down at the notes I took while talking to my mom today, and with such swollen eyes trying to even read my notes; I don't even know where to begin or what to say. It was a very tough and scary day, needless to say. I will try to stick to the notes. Here goes:

My dad's fever continues to incline and they worked hard all day doing everything to keep it down. He continues to get more yellow, especially in his eyes as his liver is being affected by the tumor and/or chemo. There is nothing they can do for this. He was on Adavan all day to keep him from vomiting; so he slept a lot of the day because of this medicine. Mom watched him as his breathing would change and as he continues to become very weak. We are so thankful to High Desert Church for bringing to dad his only request- their worship CD and their new Christmas CD. Mom said that he has it playing non stop and he really enjoys listening to them both. The doctors would really like to get dad out of his room to bring him some joy, hope, fresh air. He still has mersa, but they will bundle and cover him up very good. They would like for him to try a walker tomorrow. If he is too weak, at least mom can push him in a wheel chair and get him some fresh air and out of the "dungeon."

The tubing in his nose fell out again today and they attempted to put it back in (remember how painful this procedure is). The first nostril attempt failed due to a blood clot in the way. They had to do the other nostril, which now made for 4 times having this tubing put through his nose down into his stomach. My mom can't stomach it or watch him go through the pain, so steps out as they do it. When she walked back in, dad was looking down at his hands that had blood on them from his nose. She told him how proud that she was of him for all that he endures. He told her, 'you know how I did it? I just focused the whole time on hearing my grandkids saying "be a tough boy grandpa."' Mom and I couldn't help but crying as she told me that. He truly has a love for his grand babies that I have never seen before. So here's a little love back TO YOU GRANDPA from two of your grand babies that pray for you every day without having to even be reminded. And they always pray for you too Grandma for strength. They love you both!

From the looks of the ultrasound they did on my dad's liver, the tumor does not look like it is shrinking. Please continue to pray for my family as every day gets harder and harder.

Ups and Downs

Some positives have come during the last two days. One of those is the 14 pounds of swelling (that's what the doctors weighed it out to be) is now completely gone, and they are believing that the blood clot in the neck is gone. They will run tests to confirm that. Another positive is that the hemoglobin and platelet levels are up and normal. The negatives are these: the white blood cells are still low but should begin rising shortly. Also, my mom had noticed dad looking a little yellow. After doctors agreeing with my mom (I love her intuition and observations- that how they first found out dad had cancer); they found out that dad's enzymes in his liver were abnormal. They ran an ultrasound on the liver. More news to follow tomorrow on the liver.

It was so nice today getting to talk to my dad on the phone. His voice is sounding so much better and he was actually able to talk. It was sooooo nice to have a decent conversation; we got to talk about so much it felt like. He was probably sore in his throat afterward; but I'm so thankful for his selflessness..... it melts my heart talking to my daddy. I held it together the whole conversation and it just felt like our normal talks back in the day. But when he said "you're such a wonderful daughter," I lost it. Ohhhh.. I love him!

Please pray this week that dad's white blood cell levels will come up, so that he can get out of the "dungeon" as dad calls it. He has not been allowed to leave his room in the two weeks that he's been there. Please also pray for the new issue with the liver. And please continue for this cancer to be shrinking or better yet, gone.

Thank you

Better Day Today

Dad had a better day today than yesterday. They were able to control the fevers today and he is on antibiotics for the fluid on his lungs. His white blood cell was at a dangerous low today of 0 and they worked hard at getting it back up. His platelets were also low, which caused his blood vessels to break around his eyes (because he's been coughing from the tube irritation in his throat). The broken blood vessels therefore gave him black eyes. I joked with him some, getting him to laugh; that mom had finally had it and socked it to him :) He had platelets put back in, which they usually give him benadryl with the transfusion; so he was out for half the day. When he woke up, he knew it was shower day and wasn't looking forward to it. But mom got the shower and whole bathroom steamed up nice and warm for him and got him cozy blankets for when he got out. It made the experience much better! Thanks mom for always taking such good care of my daddin'... not just the must-do's, but the precious, thoughtful ways. After dad got out of the shower and cozy again, he did some walking around the room. I had to laugh, because mom said that dad went straight for the window. She heard him moan about something; and when she went to look and listen to what he said, he had spotted a Coke vending machine in the far distance of the hospital courtyard. She finally understood him..... "Loooooook.... Coca Cola!" Oh what a presh! He just wants his coca cola! Bless his heart; its been two weeks since he's had any food or really any drink. Yet he still never complains...... just only on occasion spots something and moans for it (maybe twice:)

Recently, I've found myself feeling like this week is taking forever, and just wanting the PET SCAN to occur with some results. But then I'm reminded of one of my favorite verses:

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

All I can do is continue to pray and wait on the answerer.

Thank you for continuing to join me!

"Bottoming Out"

Today was a day that the nurses call "bottoming out" on chemo. Dad had a day full of fevers and did lots of sleeping. He was looking yellowish my mom said and the doctors found fluid on his lungs. He's not complaining still!

My mom and I talked today about how much my dad loves us, and how he's striving so hard to fight for his life to continue enjoying his life with his wife, kids and beautiful grandkids. He's such a special man.

One of the quotes mom and I really like and were talking about today is this:

"We may not know the answers, but we know the answerer"

We continue to rest in that....

Keep praying for a miracle!

Still The Same

Things are looking pretty much the same today for dad. The only update was that the doctors think that the swelling is continually going down because this medicine is working to shrink the blood clot. We are praying that tests will show that to be true.

Thanks for all of your prayers, support and love.

Things Letting Up A Bit

The last two days, things have begun letting up a bit. The rash on dad's back is gone now, the sinus problems dried up, dad's blood work came back showing that his kidney, liver and eyes are okay. The blood clot in his leg is completely gone after getting shots to take care of it. The swelling in dad's arms is still there. His feet had swelled up so big, they were worried but has now gone down. As I had said before, the swelling is caused because of the blot clot in his neck which was caused by his hick-man catheter. After meetings these last two days, the doctors decided to try putting dad on a drip to shrink the blood clot. He began that tonight, so please pray that it works. They are trying to avoid surgery at all costs- the hick-man being removed or a stint being put in. Dad really enjoys having his hick-man, so he doesn't have to be poked in his arms anymore. Today he had a platelet and blood transfusion to get his levels up. He also began coughing up blood, which caused some concern but they know he is okay now.

The nurse did explain to my mom that my dad is in no condition to be leaving and that they will be spending the holidays in the hospital. With the new conditions that daily come up, they are much better treating dad in the hospital.

Mom and Dad enjoyed their last two days together, where they cherished every moment they can together. It's literally non-stop for them with all of the doctors, tests, meetings, results, transfusions, changing out tubes, cleaning ports, etc..etc.. etc...Please continue to pray that the chemo is working and that all of these new issues that keep popping up will subside. Thank you very much!

Rough Day/ New Request

Today was a day that the meaning of "when it rains it pours" felt so real. To start it off, dad's nose began running in the morning. With a tube in your nose, its very difficult to control a runny nose and can become frustrating especially .

Next, dad has been on an eye drop medication for the duration of the chemo. A side effect from chemo is blindness, and the eye drops are supposed to help with that. But today his eyes began burning painfully.

The swelling has still not gone down, so the doctors began dad on lacix, which will cause the fluid swelling to drain through urine. They have tried to get him set up to move easily to get out of bed to release the fluid. A nice thing was the doctor added six feet of line to dad's tube to his stomach. Before, he was unable to move out of bed unless the nurses came to disconnect it. This gives him the freedom to move a little further and be able to sit out of bed with mom also.

Because they have noticed the swelling not going down, they went ahead and took an ultrasound today. The ultrasound showed the exact reason for that. They found a blood clot in dad's neck. They know the clot is caused by the hick-man catheter; that does sometimes happen. Their first option is to give him a bag of medicine that will flow through a tube to try and disintegrate the clot. If this does not work, they will be doing surgery on his neck to remove the clot.

Dad's biggest request right now is that the clot will go away and that he won't have to have the surgery. Please pray for that! Another huge request from my dad is this: He appreciates all those who have visited them in the hospital thus far; but he is requesting until further notice on this blog, that there would be no visitors. Him and mom are really not feeling up to visitors right now, as dad is really struggling and having a hard time. Mom needs/wants to spend all of her time helping dad right now, especially with how frustrating and hard it can be to battle so many problems at one time. Dad and Mom really appreciate the past visitors, with all of your help, love, hugs, care packages, etc. and really appreciate your respect towards them in honoring this request. The best thing you could all do is just be on your knees for each of these different areas that dad is struggling with, on top of battling stage 4 cancer.

Thank you all for your understanding, love and support towards my family.

Last Chemo Finished

This is my mom and dad's wedding photo; it sits on the table next to dad's hospital bed. Its sweet memories like this, along with our whole family photo that keep dad fighting to make more memories. Aren't they so cute!!! Wow, 32 years ago... they were just kids ;)

Mom, all gloved up and completely covered, showing me the photo

Was on skype when the nurses were switching shifts and checking all the many tubes

I love his legs in this photo; he just looks so cozy and resting. I just want to crawl up in that bed with him and rub that hair that's coming back in. Mom says its coming back in brown and his eyebrows are also coming back in. I joked with him telling him "see your still so young, its coming in brown and not grey."

And my fave: my handsome dad with his iphone reading through 56 text messages from his buddies at the sheriffs department. The Sheriffs Department had their annual Christmas party, which dad and mom always enjoy attending, and around that time is when he got all of those text messages. He thoroughly enjoyed reading through each one of them. Mom said he hasn't been very into electronics in some time. Thanks to Dad's wonderful friends!!!! You made his day!

Dad did finish out the chemo. He wasn't too into the idea, but fought hard and decided to get up and take a shower. Its quite a process to get all those tubes taped up and the energy to even get there. But it was really good for him. The doctors say that taking a shower helps stimulate blood cells and helps against bacterial infection. The nurses and mom helped him a lot with taping up the port and catheter. To top it off, he walked around the bed a little bit. He's not allowed to walk out of the room, so he did his little half circles and did some knee lifts and arm rotations. He's still got that "Eye of the Tiger."

They found a red spotted rash on his back, which is a side effect from the chemo. They are treating it and keeping an eye on it. The swelling is the same; not going up, but still not going away.

My dad and Koda got to interact a little today. Dad asked Koda about his Christmas tree that we just decorated. Dad asked Koda if he sounded funny (because his voice is different and raspy with the tube in it). Koda said, "ya grandpa, your speaking tamil." (Tamil is the language we are learning to speak here in Sri Lanka.) We all got a good laugh out of that, and I love seeing my dad's big smile. Something about your grandkids just does that for you I guess :)

My dad's brother Carl came to visit today and also dad's Lieutenant/Friend Lana. She brought a sweet care package. Dad's blessed by the endless support and love.

Its been a week now that my dad has not had any food orally. He hasn't been complaining about food, but he does fantasize about Sprite :)

His PET SCAN will be in a week to see what has happened after this chemo.

Please pray for the mersa to go away, pray for strength and enough rest this week, swelling to go down, bowels and tubes to work correctly, and most importantly a miracle for the cancer to be gone!

Thanks for faithfully loving my family and giving of yourselves to pray!

Exhaustion Setting In

I talked to my mom shortly this morning, as they were going straight to bed early. With so many doctors and nurses in and out of the room throughout the night, they are not getting the sleep their bodies need. Mom was so exhausted, it brought her to tears. Please pray that they get the rest that their bodies need.

A few things have happened throughout the chemo. Something felt weird in my dad's stomach yesterday. They did an x-ray and realized the tube through his nose to his stomach had dislodged. They had to pull the entire thing out and re-due it again. My dad is such a trooper; its very painful. They got it set in place. But then this morning he vomited, which is weird because the tube should be sucking that all out. They immediately put him through an x-ray to see if the tube dislodged again, but it hadn't. They realized the vomiting was just due to the chemo. He has also been swelling a lot. They have reduced his fluid intake, and might possibly have to give him what they have before to relieve all of the fluids. The only problem with that is dad can be hooked up to 9 different tubes at one time; so maneuvering to the restroom is quite hard and with having this problem he will have to go a lot. Please pray the swelling goes down with the fluids being decreased.

Please pray for my dad to keep up his strength. They have moved him to the other hospital building, as room allowed. Its much quieter and hoping they can get rested. Chemo will be over by 4 pm Sunday.

Thank you for all of your prayers throughout all of this. Still praying for a miracle.

Blessings to you all!

A Smile Never To Be Forgotten

Today was a day that I have been praying for. I haven't been able to see my dad since he's been in the hospital, other than one time quickly with a bad connection (and I could barely see him). But today, God answered my prayers. For the first time since being at COH this time, we had a clear connection, where we could hear and see each other clearly. It's painful for dad to talk, so I asked him not to. Instead I joked with him and told him that we should use our softball signs to talk to each other. It was so fun laughing together and dad sure enough got his arms going, remembering every sign from my high school softball days (ones that I had even forgotten). It was so good to see him smile when he was doing them. Kenai also gave them good laughs with his hat sideways while he came on the camera saying his famous little line, "mushy mushy mustache, oh bra" (a little silly inside joke from some Hawaiian STNers). He's starting to talk so much now and was giving his grandma and grandpa lots of smiles, laughs and entertainment.

So, my mom and dad are really into the show "Sing Off" and their favorite group won while they were still at home. Mom was telling me about watching the finale episode. I guess the winner got to choose their own song to sing, and lo and behold..... guess what song they sang!!!???? "EYE OF THE TIGER"!!!!!!!!! I was so stoked when my mom told me that- I think it was just God's way of blessing my dad with a little reminder and encouragement :)

Another thing that my mom told me, that I loved hearing so much was that my grandpa (mom's dad) had stuck his head in the door to say bye to my dad at the hospital and tell him that he loved him and was praying for him. He also said to my dad to keep on fighting and get better so they could go fishing. Mom said that dad looked at him with an attitude as if saying "no duh, I'm gonna fight this and we're going fishing." I love my dad for having that attitude! I got to tell him today that I loved him so much and that he has more of the "eye of the tiger" than we ever did in sports, like he always told us to. I told him that it meant a lot that he wasn't just all talk telling us to have that "eye," but that he was a man that would also do over and beyond what he told others to do.

Chemo is going okay. As levels drop, the nurses are on it and fillin' him back up. They sedated him to get good sleep and mom also got to sleep a few hours. Dad got a bath today, mom shaved him and they changed the sheets. Feeling refreshed and ready to keep battling! They had a nice day alone and got to watch sports. My dad was completely stoked to see his favorite player joining the Angels!!!! He's been out of watching sports much lately, but to see that today on the TV just made his day! Go Angels! Mom got blessed by one of the nurses. These nurses are amazing! There's mom and dad's favorite girls that will work 12 hour shifts and then stay an extra hour to two hours just talking to my mom and hugging her, encouraging her. Mom had complimented one of the girls on her yummy smelling lotion. The nurse actually went down and bought her that same lotion in the gift store. How sweet! Another nurse walked into their room and told them that there was something different about their room, that there was a different feeling when she walked in- like a peaceful feeling. She said she had never seen anyone so peaceful than my parents after hearing news like they heard this week. This girl is a believer, and so she knows where that comes from.

I've had a good day today, with a smile on my face...... I got to see and talk to my daddin' :)

A Small Delay and More Risks

Chemo did not end up getting started last night. The doctors wanted to load up dad with more potassium, blood transfusions, and bulk him up with as much as they could. They also wanted to wait so that the surgeon could come talk to dad and mom one more time today, to make sure that this is what my dad really wanted to do. The surgeon let them know some risks now with doing the chemo. Because this tumor is so big now, it has latched itself onto many different life-giving vessels. It has also, like I said before, latched itself onto the small intestine and bowel tract. The small hole that they found on the bowel tract is being closed off by the tumor, thus only air is seeping out of it. But the surgeon wanted to let dad know that if the chemo does work, this tumor would move away from the bowel tract and some very awful things could happen. They let my parents know that it would be very evident if this was to happen; he would be in desperate pain and become very sick. If this is going to happen, the surgeons will rush him into emergency surgery to patch up the hole. If toxins escape the bowel tract and move into the body, it will be deadly. My dad is not throwing in the towel, and was very confident on getting the chemo and when surgery is needed, then basically, "get-r-done."

Dad and mom didn't get any sleep last night. So please pray for strength for both of them. I know that every time my dad gets chemo, my mom can't sleep. She just sits next to my dad and holds his hand and watches to make sure he's breathing. Please pray for endurance and strength, especially because she will also be fasting and praying with many of us during these three days. We're so thankful for those joining in with us, including dad's boss Lana. Thank you, Thank you!

My dad's brother, sister-in-law, and dad's mom are all there visiting now. The chemo has already begun as of now. And now we just wait. My brother spent the last two days there helping out and spending time with dad, and relieving my mom. My mom's parents are staying down there at a hotel and are constantly a huge help with my mom, from making sure she's eating to being there to just hold her through this. My mom's siblings have also been amazing, in being there for mom as much as they can.

Continuing this walk... one day at a time.... with our eyes fixed on HIM

Starting Chemo Tonight

As the doctors had meetings again today, and with my dad's definitive answer of yes, chemo will begin tonight. Dad will be on a 3 day chemo drip 24 hours a day.

Dad's doctor Papawell, that has been his doctor all along at COH, discussed with mom and dad today that this chemo was the last treatment they would be able to provide at City of Hope. They have tried everything else that they are aware of working on lymphoma cancer. They say this is a cancer they've never seen before. Most lymphoma's are treated with chemo, but due to the rare type that it is, there is nothing more they can offer.

So we are asking that you all get on your knees (as we know so many of you already have been) and plead with God that this chemo would be the one to work. We would love if people could be fasting and praying these next three days with us.

This chemo is the hardest they've ever given him, but the doctor says that his body has been strong enough to endure so many different chemo treatments already. The doctor said that they would not be giving it to him if his body were not strong enough. We are so thankful to God that his levels are up, so that they can try this last chemo.

My mom and brother said that my dad still has that "eye of the tiger." There was no option whether or not to do this chemo- he still wants to keep fighting... whatever it takes. Dad's been receiving shots today to take away the blood clot in his leg. If these shots do not work, they will put in a net in his leg to block the blood clot from traveling to his heart. His blood work also came back showing that he has mersa (a staff infection). Everyone is fully covered going in to see him.

Mom is feeding dad ice chips in this pic, while my brother and I are type chatting on skype. Its such a bad connection which gets frustrating. I've been talking by phone lately and just using skype to see each other. I was able to see my dad today; its been awhile. But it was good to just see him and I prayed over him while mom and Trav laid hands on him. He doesn't feel up for pictures with so many tubes in him right now. The doctors have said that they will be in the hospital for at least 2 weeks to monitor him after the chemo. He will most likely need transfusions and white blood cell injections. This is comforting for them to get the best care possible being at COH.

I've never seen a man so strong before in my life. When he continues to get bad news, he doesn't even cry; he just gets that "eye of the tiger" look and says- lets do whatever it takes and I'm not giving up and will keep fighting.

Dad and mom continue to pray together every day and read the word. Dad is holding on this verse:

Joshua 1:9

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

He will continue to cling on to the words in this verse. We will continue to encourage dad to keep fighting and stay strong, keeping his eyes fixed on the Father.

Results Back from CAT SCAN

My dad had his CAT SCAN today around noon. The results came back showing the mass has indeed grown to a very large shape, now pressing on the bowel tract causing a small hole in the tube, which can be deadly if the bowels were leaked throughout the body. This is very dangerous and needs to be dealt with immediately. Along with the bowel tract, the small intestine is also confirmed to be completely closed off. The surgical team and dad's doctors met all day to discuss the options. They presented a few to my parents. One being: surgery to put in a new tube to become the new bowel tract tube and a new tube put in to become the new small intestine tube. These tubes would be placed where the mass would not touch it. This is a temporary help; though that mass has to be taken care of. We wish so badly that they could just remove the mass; but due to the type of cancer that it is (of the lymphoma family), it cannot be removed from the pancreas. Second option: to begin a new chemo immediately to hopefully shrink the mass, therefore no surgery would be necessary. Third option: would be to put a hole in dad's stomach with a tube directly feeding the stomach, thus no longer food going through the mouth and body to the stomach. All options have risks. Surgery on someone who is so weak is always a risk. They are looking at the first two options before the third. It looks as though they will try the chemo first, because of how well my dad has done throughout chemo. Some people's organs shut down from chemo, but dad's organs have stayed strong.

The CAT SCAN also showed that my dad has a blood clot in his leg. This is probably because he has not been walking the past couple of weeks from lack of energy with no nutrition. They will do a procedure tomorrow morning to keep the blood clot from going to his heart. Through testing, they have found out that my dad has lost 16% of his body mass since September. This has the doctors very worried and they have now placed my dad on high priority- so thankful for that. This evening they placed a tube into his nose which is going to his stomach to empty the green vile; this will give his body a rest from all of the vomiting. He is only able to have ice chips and small sips of water. The tubing is not just a small tube through his nose (like they do with oxygen). This is a large tubing that rests on his nose and is very uncomfortable and painful especially through the nose and throat. They have him on a constant dilaudid drip to help him stay relaxed and out of pain.

I don't know what else to say, but want to give you all the details of the most recent events. My mom is so strong. My dad is so brave. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors and also my parents. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. Through all of this, we know that God is large and in charge and we will still praise Him in this storm. Please pray for our hearts.

PLEASE HELP PAPA

Please be praying for my dad today. He was transported by ambulance to St.Mary's Hospital this morning, after a rough morning. My mom found his food bag still half full (which should be empty by morning), called the nurse, she came over fixed the problem but wanted to also check his vitals because of the way he looked. His blood pressure was way low and she was scared he could go into a cardiac arrest. She called the ambulance. Dad's friend/neighbor Leroy came over and helped mom get her things packed and ready. It was a long day at the hospital, but they got him stabilized. Dad's bosses Lana and Bart came and stayed with dad at St. Mary's, while mom left to get some things done before going to COH. My grandma also sat with my dad for a while. She asked him what she could do for him and he said "pray that God will have mercy on me." This is also my prayer.

They transported him this evening to COH. Mom will go in demanding a PET SCAN or CAT SCAN. We have to find a solution to this problem! They know that my dad is starving. My mom has been saying it and they no longer even get on the scale. But my dad is getting so skinny and not keeping any food in at this point. They have no other options now other than putting him on the food bag 24/7. We need those results and then will determine what is next. Thanks for praying! He is stable now, yet still needs lots of prayer to get nutrition.

Its been a tough morning. My grandma drove my mom down to the hospital (COH) and my brother is meeting them there. I'm sorry if this is all jumbled and hopefully it makes sense. My emotions, mind, heart... everything is in such a fog and broken. Sometimes I don't even know what to say or how to say it, but all I know is I've got to get this out there to have people praying.

Please pray!

New Tough Mentality

On Saturday morning, dad took on a new mental toughness. It all started when dad wanted biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Mom loves that he still desires certain things, and was excited to cook that for him. After having one, dad lost it right away. Mom said something changed in him at that moment. With his teeth gritting down, and a little growl, he said "I want another one and its gonna stay in." He put on a new tough mentality at that moment, saying that this was not going to get the best of him. He did indeed keep that next one down.

He is still vomiting now more than usual and we are in the process of looking into trying to get him an appointment in the high desert for a PET SCAN. We need those results, so we can possibly decide on a new approach. We need something that will work and we need to get it quick.

Dad had a nice visit with his brother Glenn and his wife Kara on Saturday. Though he feels like he's not great company, its sometimes nice to have a short visit with close loved ones. That day was also the day that a nurse came to the house to teach mom and dad how to give his white blood cell injections themselves. Dad wanted to try doing it himself, and he did great. He has to inject himself in the stomach- I don't know how he does it! Mom has the hardest time with even watching, but after seeing him do it these last two days, she wants give him the injections now and thinks she can do it. She doesn't want him to have to do this, with all that he is already going through. He has to have these injections for 10 days to get his counts up.

This morning (Sunday Morning), they drove down to COH. Dad had his blood tested and his platelet levels are above normal, so he needed no injections. Dad was very weak today with all the vomiting that he is now doing. He continues to have his food bags at night, but is really struggling through the day and night now in keeping anything down. Please pray that the vomiting will cease!!!!!

Thank you to those of you that have volunteered to bring meals. We just wanted to let you know that my grandma and mom have not forgotten you. With dad eating so little, mom has so many frozen meals still that she is using. But once those are gone, they will be calling. So thank you so much for wanting to help. Mom wants you to all know that she has not forgotten about your wonderful offers.

Keep praying for the PET SCAN to happen and God's direction on what we are to do next. Thanks for praying!!!!

Continual Daily Battle

Dad and Mom met with COH doctors on Thursday, after having a platelet transfusion. The doctors said that chemo for Tuesday is canceled due to low levels. He will have another transfusion on Sunday. Doctors would like another PET SCAN done before the next chemo, so they can see what is happening with the mass. If nothing is happening, then this chemo is pointless to continue. We will then think through some different possibilities. COH has another chemo lined up if this is the case. PET SCAN's are booked up until the 14th, which is what they have him scheduled for now. But he is also on the list in case someone cancels. The doctors will check his levels on Thursday.

The nurse has been to their home three days in a row teaching my mom how to connect dad's food bags to his hick man catheter. Tonight was her last lesson and she has now successfully learned how to do it alone. I'm so proud of her, for all that she does. She has to clean and take care of dad's hick man daily and now will be daily hooking him up for feeding. He will have it every night on a 10 hour drip. They will not have him doing it during the day, or else his brain will start telling his stomach to completely stop eating orally. We don't want him to become completely reliant on the food bags, just assist with the nutrition.

My mom has been on the phone so much asking questions and even trying to figure out how to do an operation or procedure on his intestine. He's so uncomfortable trying to keep food in 24/7. Still searching out more answers. Please pray that this can get figured out or that this feeling will just completely go away.

Last night, dad woke up in the middle of the night after fighting so hard all day to keep his food in; he had fought long enough and lost it around 1 am. After vomiting, he had that excruciating pain in his abdomen. Mom got him on the dilaudid (I think I've been saying and spelling it wrong) right away. Needless to say, it was a rough night. He spent some time with his mom today, while mom got a little time with her mom and ran some errands. They amaze me.... though fighting this horrific and hard battle, mom and dad are so worried about getting things bought and together for a Christmas package to send here to Sri Lanka for my family. I told them not to worry about it, but they insisted as they are so excited for some of the things they wanted to send my kids. Too sweet and selfless, I'd say.

Dad also had a visit from his Captain, Bart today. It's always nice to see him. He's always full of encouragement and love.

Please pray for dad this week to soak up the nutrition and to get strength back. Pray that the pain will not come back, the food will stay in, that gagging feeling will stay away, the platelet levels will come up, a PET SCAN will become available, and they can get rested and ready for what lies ahead with the next PET SCAN results.

Thanks for your consistent love, prayers and support.