The Next Step

I honestly don't even know how to start this blog post. My mind, emotions, heart and everything in me is still trying to truly process these last 5 months that have completely rocked my world upside down. I feel like I have tried to remain so strong throughout and know all the head knowledge of how to face a trial when it comes. But in all reality, until you face that trial head-on, no one person can tell you how to feel, how to act, or how to cope. It honestly is a day to day battle of keeping Him in the center and our eyes completely focused there. As I talked to my mom tonight (this morning for me), we can hold such composure as we talk through small things in life and the kids play hide and seek with mom and dad. But when Cody gets the kids distracted in the other room so that I can be REAL with my parents, and as I look my mom and best friend in the eyes and say "How are you guys doing?"- its then that all the walls fall down and reality comes into play. As my mom describes dad as being so strong through this, I think to myself- wow, if he can be than I can be. But as my mom today told me that my dad is scared, and that she is also.... I thought, okay.... well I am too, and its okay to struggle sometimes. All I could say to my mom is "perfect love casts out all fear." And I had to really think of those words as I said them. What does that truly mean? All I can envision is someone that has a perfect love for me that no one can match and knowing that he loves me so much that no matter what happens, He is good.

We were all getting so excited as my dad's test results were that the cancer was shrinking last month. And with this latest turn that the cancer is now taking, as a very aggressive kind and larger than ever, our minds and emotions are spinning. My parents did go to the appointment at City of Hope and things went well. After hours of meetings, discussions, paperwork, etc..., my dad and mom were sent home to read a bunch of literature on what dad will now be facing. After the hardest days in the hospital thus far, the doctors wanted my dad to get some rest and to be ready to battle this aggressive and fast growing cancer with the most aggressive form of chemo. He will get a call any day from COH to go back down, where he will stay for 3 days at a time. They have asked my mom to stay with him in the room, which she is so glad to do. They will see how well he responds to the first treatment and if well, they will treat him again with the chemo. They will also be taking good stem cells from him to try to produce more to try and treat the cancer in the bone marrow. If this is unsuccessful, they will begin locating a match for a bone marrow transplant. This entire process will take anywhere from 3-4 weeks or more.

Please continue to pray for my parents as they go through this next step. Anyone who will be around my dad, must wear a mask and gloves. Please pray for my mom, she will also have to live with a mask and gloves on. Please pray that they will be emotionally and physically ready for this next battle. Phil. 4:13